Titleless Insanity Fic
by Darker Demons
Summary: This is just a basic insanity i thought up with no plot what so ever. Its just kind of here for a few good laughs. Enjoy!


Heero looked around Wufei's apartment, their current meeting room, to see if everyone was there. Wufei was leaning against the wall scowling, Quatre and Trowa we're in the kitchen attempting to find some pitiful thing to eat besides rice and ramen, and Duo was…not there. Heero looked around the room again and stated the obvious, "Duo's missing."

Quatre looked in from the kitchen, "I'm not getting him."

Trowa, walking after Quatre, slowly looked at Wufei. Wufei gave Trowa a dirty look, "What? I'm not getting that bastard."

Heero shot a glance at Wufei, "Just do it. None of us are going to, and unless you want the rest of us in your apartment for the next four days I suggest you just leave."

Wufei scowled yet again and walked to his room to throw on some better clothes.

"Where's he going?" Quatre raised an eyebrow in confusion as Wufei headed towards the back of the apartment.

"To change out of his underwear." Heero stated bluntly.

Moments later, Wufei roared from his room, "THEY AREN'T UNDERWEAR!! THEIR CLOTHES!!!" Wufei stormed out of the back room in black baggy jeans and a black Pink Floyd shirt and grabbing his keys, rampaged through the apartment complex to the parking lot to where his white jeep was waiting and sped off down the road.

Wufei sped into the parking lot of Duo's complex where he lived and nearly wrecked his jeep as he succeeded in beating someone else to a parking space. Jumping out of his jeep, Wufei made his way to the third floor hallway towards Duo's apartment. " Fucking Maxwell, late, late, late. Anything… just to fucking piss me off." He mumbled angrily trying the door to apartment number 666 to find it opened easily. "Doesn't even lock his bloody door."

Wufei slowly made his way past the masses of junk in the front hallway, only managing to trip over Duo's pet dog Gonk, a mix between a poodle and a angry biker, once. (A.N. If you've ever seen Elvira: mistress of the dark, you know what dog I'm talking about) With Gonk at his heels, Wufei made his way to Duo's kitchen, where Duo could normally be found rummaging through his own fridge. After giving a long look of disgust at the disarray Duo's kitchen was in, made his way towards the living room. When Wufei was sure Duo could not be found in the maze of a kitchen or the junkyard of a bathroom, and the only thing that could be found was a messed up twister board laying in the middle of his living room, Wufei proceeded to check Duo's bedroom.

Wufei made his way carefully to Duo's bedroom, of which the door was slightly open, to see Duo, shirtless, hair unbraided and covering the bed, along with a woman, partly shirtless with her arms wrapped around Duo's torso.

Wufei gasped and then grabbed his profusely bleeding nose and hurried to the bathroom. (Remember, in anime, guys who see… adult things get bloody noses?) Once that small problem had been fixed, Wufei made his was back to the living room with Gonk still at his feet. He once again noticed the twister game and Duo's shirt, he could ONLY guess. Gonk whined and tugged at Wufei's pant leg and made a sprint for the kitchen. Wufei let out an exasperated sigh, now feeling rather hungry and quickly proceeded to raid Duo's kitchen, amazed beyond all reason that there was food left for once.

Wufei, finally feeling better with some food in his stomach, Gonk asleep on his lap, became quickly annoyed at the amount of time being took up by Duo and Duo's…well he didn't really know if Duo was actually 'involved' with anyone or if Duo had gotten drunk again and had convinced some girl to follow him home. Wufei sighed; In any case it was annoying that he was still in this apartment. "MAXWELL!! HURRY UP WE'RE LATE!!"

A loud thud was heard from the back room along with "Fucking mother of a cucumber!!!" Duo exclaimed in pain as the woman giggled at him. "Duo, you durfcake!" Well that settled it; no one who wasn't involved with Duo would call him a durfcake…

Wufei pondered to himself. "What in the name of the seven hells is a durfcake?"

Duo stumbled out still pulling on his clothes and looked around for his shirt. "Damn, where is it?!" Duo heard a small laugh and turned around to see that she had his shirt on. "Babe, you have MY shirt on."

She grinned, "I know."

Duo grinned and started to walk towards her when Wufei stopped him, "Sorry lover boy, but we're late as is, oh and you're out of sugar."

Duo's face contorted into an expression of utter horror and moaned, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M OUT OF SUGAR?!?!"

Wufei cocked one eyebrow, "Don't be stupid Maxwell. It's just what I said; you're out of-"

The woman clamped a hand over Wufei's mouth to prevent any further distraction of Duo's attention. "Shut up"

"Shut up? Shut up?!?!? How DARE you tell ME to SHUT up! I, a member of the HONORED dragon clan, told to SHUT up!!! This is INJUSTICE!!!"

"Would you shut up and go, you said you were late, didn't you pole-ass?" "WHY YOU LITTLE KO MOSUME!!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!??"

"I'm Benji, Benji Motaka." Benji shot a grin in Duo's direction, which was returned after one last wail about his sugar. Wufei glared in annoyance, "Can we GO now?!"

"No, I need to put some better clothes on." Benji made her way back into Duo's room.

"When did you get here?" Duo looked at Gonk sleeping on Wufei's lap still, oblivious to everything going on around him. "About an hour ago, and Heero is going to beat, boil, skin, and feed our dead corpses to the penguins if we don't get our asses back!"

Benji made her way out of Duo's room with a pair of very baggy black pants with chains and other metal objects attached to them, along with a heavy looking belt with lots of large metal rings attached to it, beat up old black chucks with at least 20 holes in them, a baggy black Kurt Cobain shirt, and black eyeliner.

Wufei and Duo watched as she made her way into the bathroom and spiked her one and a half inch midnight black hair in the back, leaving her foot and a half purple bangs hanging in large disarray, put her rings on, adjusted her eyebrow piercing, walked out and sat on Duo's couch. Wufei gawked in disbelief. "What the fuck ARE you?!?"

"A woman, Myself, Dementedly insane." Wufei continued staring at her while Duo made his way into his room to change his clothing, coming out with a pair of dark beat up blue jeans, chucks not quite as beat up as Benji's, a tighter black Slipknot shirt and his lip ring in.

Wufei shifted his gaze to Duo, "Maxwell, When in the name of the seven hells did you get a piercing!?!?"

"A week ago yesterday."

Wufei shook his head in disbelief of what he saw, "Right. Can we go now?"

As the three piled into Wufei's little white jeep Wufei let out a shriek as Gonk jumped up into the back and made his way comfortably between Duo and Benji. "NO, NO, NO!!! NO DOGS IN MY BELOVED JEEP!!"

Gonk gave Wufei a pleading look.

"Aw come on Wufei, look at him, you know you want him to come!"

Wufei reluctantly looked into Gonk's adorable big, brown puppy-dog eyes, "Fine, but this is the LAST time!"

Wufei peeled-out of the parking lot and sped down the highway blasting Slipknot and scaring elderly people who looked at them in a mix of fear, confusion, and horror. Benji and Duo wasted no time in climbing onto each other's laps and promptly attacking each other with their mouths. Much to Wufei's annoyance who regained his nosebleed.  "Would you stop, you know how much Heero is going to be pissed off any way because you two had to be… in bed at ONE IN THE AFTERNOON!!" Benji allowed Duo to brush a strand of hair away from her face before flashing a quick smile to Wufei, "Awww, what's the matter Woofie, did little pole-ass, who cant take two people making out, get another nosebleed?"

"ONNA! MY NAME IS WUFEI! NOT WOOFIE! WU-FAY!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!! I'M NOT SOME CHEEP BITCHY SLUT LIKE YOU!"

Duo promptly backhanded Wufei, "If you EVER, insult, MY woman like that again, your face is gonna answer to my fist. Do YOU understand?"

Wufei grumbled about the injustice of couples and the fact that onna's were the worst breed of anything known to man or beast. Within ten minutes more, Wufei skidded into the parking lot of the apartment complex where he, Heero, Trowa, and Quatre all lived. Duo had decided to live away from the others because his apartment was closer to the mall and local bar, which he had begun to visit quite frequently when he found out that Benji worked their part-time as a bartender.

Duo casually looked behind the jeep, "Nice skid marks Woof- I mean, Wufei." Duo grinned at his slipup.

Wufei turned to glare at Duo but instead stood amazed at the two long black skid's going from the highway all the way to where he was parked perfectly.

Heero leaned out the window two stories up, "MAXWELL! WUFEI! UP HERE NOW BEFORE I KICK THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF BOTH OF YOU!!!"

Duo, Benji, Gonk, and Wufei hustled through the door of Heero's small apartment. Gonk stopped to make a … deposit on the doormat. Duo looked at the group and grinned, "Sorry were late."

Heero glared at Duo And Wufei, "Late…" He paused, "No, no, no, LATE, is when you arrive somewhere a little over two minutes than you should have… but, no! You took a HOUR and a HALF!! Now tell me, is that late?" Duo and Wufei exchanged glances and pointed at each other, "HE DID IT—IT'S HIS FAULT!"

Benji laughed to herself in the background by the door holding Gonk in her arms. With that one sudden movement from her, everyone in the room suddenly realized she was there, with the exception of Duo and Wufei of course—they already knew. Heero stood where he was shooting looks at her and Duo, then Wufei, and then at Gonk, who looked back at him quizzically. Quatre gave looks of confusion as to why there was a woman, Trowa quickly noticed her large assortment of knives and went right up to her and asked if he could look at them all.

 "You want to go…and check out ALL, of my knives?" Trowa nodded and looked at the gleaming blades eagerly. "Well, I guess you can look at some of 'em…"

Trowa's eyes danced as she ran a finger over each of the blade's edges, "They're ALL sharp…" He looked up at her, "You throw?"

Benji shot a look at Duo who was giving Trowa dirty looks, "Depending."

Trowa's eyes gleamed "Was that a yes?"

"Every once and awhile." Trowa grabbed her hands making her drop Gonk, who fell to the floor with a loud yelp, "Really?!?!"

Duo's eyes blazed as he looked on in animosity at the man who dared to touch his woman in front of his very own eyes. Duo hissed out through clinched teeth, "Trowa…Barton…If you…do not step away…from, MY woman. I swear I'm going to kill you by ripping you to pieces…itty bitty pieces."

Trowa took one look at Duo's face, grabbed Benji, and shoved her to Duo, "Yours man, yours!"

Duo nodded happily, hugged Benji's neck protectively and mouthed to Trowa, "Mine and mine alone!"

(Of course, the author _does_ disapprove of womanizing… isn't it obvious?)

Heero looked annoyed at them, "She can NOT stay!"

Duo looked at Heero with that shocked puppy dog look on his face.

"No. That's my final answer and you _are_ the weakest link.  Goodbye."

Duo sighed, he knew once Heero put his foot down like _that_ there was no changing it. Even Heero wouldn't cave in to one of Duo's puppy looks. "Benji, babe… umm, I don't suppose…"

Benji grinned, "Aw, don't worry about it! Ill just go to the mall!" With that said, she walked over to Wufei and promptly took his keys from his pocket, grabbed Gonk and walked out the door. Wufei's face was a portrait of pure rage as he glared in shock after her and then to Duo, "Maxwell! YOUR little wench just took my keys!!"

Duo looked out the window towards Wufei's jeep that was right below them. He watched Benji climbed in and look up towards the window where she flashed him a smile and held up her hand proudly to display Wufei's wallet. Duo looked back to him grinning, "That's not all she took." Wufei's hand went to his back pocket where his wallet was normally at then his face assumed a panicked look.

Heero groaned as he shook his head and slowly made his way back to the couch. "I can't believe she put her hand _there_."

Duo's eyes widened as he considered the action that had been taken.  His face twisted into anger as he pointed his finger towards Wufei's posterior. "Wash it!!! Wash it now!!! Only my skin may be touched by her hands!"

Wufei looked to his back pocket. "But… she didn't touch the skin…"

Duo crossed his arms as he took a seat next to Heero. "I certainly hope not… She has no idea where that has been… or what diseases may be found there."

Quatre looked out the window to see Benji peel off in the direction of the mall. 

Benji walked into the mall with an ear-to-ear grin on her face. Nothing could have gone better, not only had she found someone to make fun of, she had gotten his wallet to boot! She rummaged around the movie store's large selection of action and adventure movies before heading over to the clothing racks. After looking at the t-shirts for a few minutes, she began to look away and head towards the anime section.

"Wait, don't leave! Buy me! Buy me!" came a whining voice from within the clothing rack.

Benji turned around and got a confused look on her face when she saw that no one was behind her, then her view wandered to the clothes where Gonk was staring intently with his tail wagging. "Buy me, well, who's 'me'?" She asked the shirts with a large grin.

"Me, the pink shirt, under the Nirvana poster!"

She grinned, taking hold of one of the stone sour and a cradle of filth tees, "Thanks Chester." 

"Welcome." A pause took place, "Shit!"  A black haired youth with 4 piercings, black eyeliner, various tattoos, a black "people like you make people like me need medication" shirt, pulled his head up from among the shirts grinning, "How did you know it was me? OOF!" He asked in a fake Italian accent as Gonk jumped up into Chester's arms.

"Only you would tell me to wear pink, Durfcake." She flung an arm around Chester's neck laughing, "Man, what a dork—can't even tell HOW I knew it was my best friend!" 

"No! I swear it wasn't me! It was the three legged man!!!" Benji shot Chester a look of confusion. "That'll be 20 smackers mu'm." Benji began to quest through her wallet while Chester fell into masses of hillarium. Benji smiled and handed the clerk a $20 for the two shirts that she had picked out. "Thank you Mu'm, Have a WONderful day and THANK you for shopping at Suncoast!"

Chester, after giving the man behind the counter an odd look, began laughing, picked up the bag and ran out laughing. Benji rolled her eyes and then ran after him.

Wufei blankly stared out the window—looking for any sign of his beloved Jeep. Duo, meanwhile, had long ago spaced off and continued to stay that way. Quatre was asleep with his eyes open, and Trowa was fantasizing about Benji and her knives. [I wish she would throw knives at _me_! … It'd be better than having Catherine try… if she doesn't have her contacts in, I often worry about my future as a contributing member of the gene pool.]

Heero stood, babbling about what the new tactics for destroying a new enemy base. Wufei finally tore his eyes away from the window long enough to notice everyone in the room spacing off, he decided to take that once-in-a-lifetime chance to get Duo in trouble.  "Maxwell! Pay attention!"

Wufei looked at Duo in mock annoyance and was promptly replied to whilst yawning as Duo slouched down into the chair. "I don't fucking want to 'pay attention', I'm tired, I'm board out of my un-imaginable mind, and I want Benji."

Heero shot a death glare to Duo in annoyance, "You two are distracting my meeting."

Duo grinned, "Yeah, What meeting?" Duo continued to grin sensing Heero's immense annoyance.

Quatre woke up momentarily, "Well, Heero, since no one really gives a damn, why don't we just call the meeting to a halt for now?"

Heero looked over at Trowa and Quatre and shook his head. Quatre was like the group pet, and no one wanted to go against him because he was just so innocent, even though he chose to use the 'd-word', it was nearly sickening. (However, it always helped Quatre when he was picking up the chicks! )

"All right Quatre, If you say so." Quatre beamed. 

Duo yawned again and went to Wufei's refrigerator to see what kind of food he had. "Hummm, Takeout Chinese, Rice, sweet and sour chicken, rice, MORE rice, a large assortment of chop sticks…hey, why the hell would you put chop sticks in the fridge? Weird…man, Wufei, your food selection sucks pig guts."

Wufei scowled. " Sooooo sorry that my food doesn't meet your standards." He glanced back at his refrigerator to see everything sprawled out across the floor. "MAXWELL! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY KITCHEN!! HOW DARE YOU!? PICK IT ALL UP!"

"No!"

"YES!"

"No, bitch!"

"DO IT! DAMN IT! PICK THIS MESS UP NOW!!"

"Fuck no"

"Why in the name of the seven hells wont you let me win?"

"Because, I only lose for Benji."

Heero looked up, looked at the last box of standing rice and ate it all in 5 to less bites.

At the mall: Benji and Chester were skipping, arm-in-arm, through the mall singing/screaming/moaning something around the lines of, "I'M A CUCUMBER, I'M A CUCUMBER, I'M A CUCUMBER! I'M A CUCUMBER, I'M A CUCUMBER, I'M A CUCUMBER! PLEASE, DON'T TAKE ME TO THE PICKLE FARM!" By the time they were on their fourth verse doing this a group innocent bystanders and random peasants were looking on in fear and confusion.

Then, suddenly six of the random peasants started singing with them. "WE'RE ALL CUCUMBERS! WE'RE ALLL CUCUMBERS!!! YOU CAN'T TAKE US TO THE PICKLE FARM!! DUN DUUUN!! DUN, DUN, DUN, DUN, DUUUUN!!! Suddenly, a rather tall, disgruntled, fat, and ugly mall guard broke them up.

"But officer!" One of the random peasants exclaimed, "Cucumbers are nutritious and-"

"Just stop! The only time I need to think about cucumbers is when… oh wait, you're all underage to hear _that _story…" He flushed red as he began to run off mumbling to himself, "I need my fucking Martini hour."

Chester gave Benji and the peasants a grin, "Martini hour huh?"

Benji grinned and started off down the mall with a large grin on her face.

Chester looked back at the peasants and grinned maniacally, "Coming?"

The peasants grinned back, nodded and began following Chester. 

The mall guard scurried out of sight, "I'm safe now! Ehehehehehe" He laughed evilly and continued scurrying (such a fun word) off down the hall. Little known to him, Chester, Benji, and the peasants, were not far behind…

"Chester, do ya think he knows we're back here at all?"

Chester chuckled (even more fun than scurrying). "Na, He's also too dumb to realize he has toilet paper stuck on his pants."

Benji looked up toward the scurrying guard, sure enough, there he was, toilet paper stuck to his ass. "Whataya kno. Hey, is he going into…" Benji and Chester exchanged looks of horror while Gonk barked incoherently, and the peasants gasped in fear.

"The Cheerleading store… the horror! The horror! The whore-r!" They both said in unison with the look of pure indescribable repulsion upon their faces. 

The peasants 'booed' and emitted low mumbling somewhat around the lines of, "Why the hell is it always the peasants that get dragged into this, we're only peasants, we aren't getting paid, and we can only take so much! Its absolutely ridiculous!"

Slowly and reluctantly, knees shaking, the group made their way up to the store and looked inside.

Benji winced as she felt her skin begin to darken and a smile came involuntarily upon her face, "Chester…I don't think…I'm gunna be able to take this. It's the friggin' cheerleader zone…"

Chester, who looked rather pale himself looked at Benji who really did look kind of…well, he didn't know but she didn't look good. [Dude, she just said 'friggin'… something must be wrong… the Cheer Rays must be getting to her…] "Benji? Hey Benj?" Gonk started circling around Benji's feet when Chester grabbed her arm in concern. Benji gave Chester a piteous look and passed out, her arms held together as though she were holding a pair of pom-poms.  Chester groaned as he picked her up. [It did, it really, did… she was overcome by the 'Cheer Rays'.]

Duo yawned, bored from quarrelling with people about food, and curled up in a random chair, awaiting his master's return. He allowed his eyes wander around the room and outside at random things.

Wufei gave him a scowl and threw a paper wad at his head while Heero watched the paper fly into direct contact with Duo's nose and looked on in amazement that all Duo did was give his nose a scratch and continue to stare out the window.

Trowa gave a small snicker "I don't think he's paying attention."

Duo let out another sigh before falling asleep.

Wufei made his way toward the kitchen where he kept a vast supply of markers simply for this reason.  (Egads! Wufei is turning into a human Jigglypuff! Can't we all just see Wufei walking to our door on Halloween dressed in a huge-ass Pokémon outfit with a bag of candy and a marker/mic going "Jigglypuff-puff!")

Quatre watched Wufei make his was toward Duo with a less-than-innocent twinkle in his eye, "Wufei…are you sure you should do that?"

"Doesn't matter, This will be good!"

Suddenly Duo shot up with a huge grin on his face, "BENJI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Duo leapt up from his seat and flung the door open and disappeared within 10 seconds, leaving a disappointed Wufei standing in the middle of the living room. "Jiggly?"

The remaining four crowded around the window, especially Wufei, who really just wanted to see how his Jeep was. Duo ran out to the Jeep and flung himself into Benji's arms, who had just woken up about ten minutes previously, when Chester pulled her into a candy store. "DUO!!!!!!!!!!" Heero let out a disgusted grunt as he returned to his seat to sharpen his knives. Trowa slipped out of the room down to where Benji and Company were mingling about with a small hope of being able to see her 'knives'.

A.N. Well, that's it for the first chapter!  As you could probably tell, there's no real plot just yet, but there may be one in the future… I ain't sure yet.

Anyhow, I just wanted to thank my friend, whom is known here as 'V Shape Otaku' for beta-ing for me.  Given, this isn't her normal style of writing (yes, folks, she's actually one of those _serious_ writers…).  Feel free to read and review here or on her fan fics as well!

Ja ne,

Stormy Goth


End file.
